Blog entry #6 By Jo Rodriguez
My life journey has brought me to many new places, ventures, and adventures. One of these things that I’ve shared with you has been me getting into the modeling and acting world. Never in a million years, could I have imagined that my little brave survivor soul could be capable and allow me to crawl out from under the rock I had been hiding under and put myself out there. That being said, I have had some pretty interesting experiences in regard to this aspect of my life and I had one yesterday that I just had to share with you.
San Antonio, Tx. will be hosting an event called Fashion Week SATX that is being hosted by The Texas Fashion Industry Initiative and being produced by Style Lush TV in the month of October this year. They held a Fresh Face Model audition that was open to experienced, new, and hopeful models in all age groups in order to showcase different levels of talent. I know that I am an older model, but decided to give it a shot anyway. At this point in my life, I take a what do I have to lose attitude.
After mentioning my interest in it to my supportive husband and not sure what his thoughts on it would be, he reassured me that I could do whatever my heart desired as long as it made me happy. I submitted my registration online and patiently waited for the day to come. I let my children know about my adventures and milestones that their mother does and has and they support me unconditionally. Now, my daughter is the one that is always in the know since she still resides at home and gets a front-row seat to my chaos. Frankly, I think she lives for the next crazy thing that I get myself into.
All this being said, there still are these little thoughts in the back of my mind that remind me of my hesitation in pursuing all my new interests. I have been in the protective mode for myself and my children for many years. Protecting my identity and theirs for obvious reasons. Not only from my ex-husband, but from family members that have sent indirect threats in order to intimidate me into silence.
Being on social media, writing this blog, writing a book, becoming a model, allowing myself to be videotaped for public use, and much more was a decision that did not come easy for me. All I needed was the blessings from those that love me unconditionally and never left my side. I truly now understand the meaning of Bette Milder’s song Wind Beneath My Wings because my husband and children give me the air that I need in order to spread my wings and fly.
With my anticipation building and feeling like I could do anything, the audition took place yesterday evening. Understand that I have never walked a runway before and didn’t really know what to expect. I had planned on going alone, but after some discussion, I decided to invite my daughter to go with me since it was being held at a local mall and open to the public.
As we arrived, you could see the stage, sign-in area, DJ, models, and the judges. The director let us know what was going to happen and what was expected. We all had to get in line numerically by the number we were given. When it was your turn, you had to walk down the runway, pose, answer a question from the judges that were seated at the end of the runway, then walk back down the runway.
My daughter stayed by my side until we formed the line. She watched as the auditions started and became my photographer as well. Her words to me as I left her were reassuring and she told me “you fit in here mom” and of course that made my day. I waited for my turn patiently and took a moment to take everything in. My turn came and I did what I was asked to do and was just grateful to not have wiped out in front of all those people.
I made my way back to my daughter and she smiled at me and greeted me with a hug and I could feel her excitement and sense of pride. She told me that I did good and that she took pictures. She then asked me to tell her what the judges had asked me. I told her that they asked me why I wanted to be a model. She then told me to tell her what I had said, so I did. I told her that I said that I wanted to be a model because I spent a big part of my life in an abusive relationship being told that I could never be beautiful and that I had moved on with my life to make a new one and decided that I was going to spend the rest of my life being beautiful.
The moment that took place as I finished telling her my answer was unexpected. She looked at me and said,” that is so beautiful mom!” and burst into tears. I took her into my arms and we cried together and held onto each other. I told her that I didn’t mean to make her cry and she told me that she hadn’t expected to hear what I actually said to her.
At that moment, my heart was full, and it didn’t matter to me anymore if I was picked for the fashion show or not. In my eyes, my daughter gave me the best gift and validation that I needed. I felt 10 feet tall and beautiful. You see, even though I had the blessings and support to live my dreams, there is always a little bit of doubt that I am doing the right thing. What this event and evening taught me was a reminder that when God sends you a message, his timing is always just right. #fortheloveofhope
