What does the name Thunder in My Curls mean and where did that come from? Let me explain…

Having been in an abusive relationship in my past and what I endured, only lived in my mind for many years. It was present during dating and even after all the ‘It will never happen again, I love you and forgive me’ talk, I married him. I kept the abuse to myself and internalized everything that comes with it. After all, to everyone else, he was this great guy, the persona that he portrayed in public. Who was ever going to believe me? He had it instilled in my mind that I was unworthy, incomplete, incompetent and too afraid to stand up for myself. It was only after I was away from him did I see the magnitude of the quality of life I had been living. I had fear, embarrassment, shame, and living with an abuser that creates a life of suppression and isolation.

When I finally mustered up the strength to realize that I needed to get out of that marriage, it put everything I had been trying to get away from… on full display. I took away his power and he felt out of control. He no longer cared to keep his behavior and tendencies in the dark. I endured unimaginable things for a month before I was forced, for my own safety, and for the safety of the three biological children we had had together to frantically leave with only a laundry basket of clothes that I had done the night before and the clothes on our backs. I had not prepared a safety plan and it was one of the hardest things I had to do because I had to leave behind my step-children.

I filed for divorce as things continued to spiral out of control and he became more unstable. Almost two weeks later I found myself surviving an aggravated kidnapping and an aggravated assault at the hands of my then estranged husband. So there I found myself, feeling even more vulnerable… as I came to realize that the incident had made newspapers and news channel headlines. In my mind, any hopes for privacy moving forward were non-existent.

I spent many years trying to create an identity that left that part of my life behind. I came to realize that no matter how hard I try, it will always be a part of me because it allowed me to become the strong person I am today. With such violent situations, such as my own, there is an unimaginable amount of collateral damage that comes with it and it cost me the loss of friendships and family. On the other side of the coin, it also allows you to appreciate those around you, that never judged, questioned, left your side when you needed them the most. It also allowed me to receive new friendships and family that came into my life and accept me for who I am without conditions or judgments.

Soooo getting to the answer finally!! I have been working on a book and started this blog that talks about my own personal journey. I had to come up with a name that I felt best summed me up and a reflection of the path I’ve chosen to take. There are two aspects that come to play. The first is that my long natural curls have always drawn people to me. No matter where I go, it has just been a way of life for me to have all genders stop me and ask me about my hair. I find myself in conversations with them and it creates a connection that otherwise, would most likely not have happened. The second aspect is that I have something to say, a message to deliver, and a story to tell which to me should resonate like thunder because thunder is hard to ignore and you always hear it coming…..And that is how the name Thunder in My Curls came to be.

My goal is to help others that are in abusive relationships, raise awareness, educate others, and hopefully create conversations that may help prevent future violence and suffering.